See if you can watch this without laughing … Piano Poodle
Talking Animals
Talking Animals: 36,000,000 viewers can’t be wrong…
Frank Feldman
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.’
Passenger: ‘Who?’
Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman.. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.’
Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’
Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: ‘There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.’
Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’
Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’
Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’
Cabbie: ‘Well, I never actually met Frank, he died and I married his fxxxing wife.’
Cats in Tanks
This is why you don’t give tanks to cats…
The Hat
Also…Hats off (or on) to the past few days!, The Royal Wedding, Michael Ignatieff Bids Farewell.
Well, it’s not about dogs, but it’s a little strange, and certainly is wonderful. A really creative use of a retired Boeing 727. The email going around says a lady lives in it, but we found it is a exclusive hotel suite in Costa Rica. Doesn’t matter–it’s wonderful, whomever did it. A personal Jacuzzi is in the cockpit.
More comment on this story- Why? (She lives in a Boeing 727) and Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica.
More Lost Pet Posters-
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room!
December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt ’til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2″ of snow today, and it warmed up to “0″. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24: 6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.
December 31: I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Odd Pet Products
Yes, these are for real. Below, Doggie Highchair and Pet Wigs.
Above - Poop Freeze and Croc Cat Bed. Below - People Crackers doggie biscuits and Pawlish dog nail polish.
Above - Doggie Digital Camera and Puppy Tweets (for your dog’s twitter account). And below - Bowser Beer non alcoholic beer for dogs so you never have to drink alone and, ahem, Hot Dolls sex toy for dogs.
And if you aren’t amazed and grossed out enough already, we are pleased to present below the Magic Poop Collector as advertised on TV. No really, it’s advertised on TV. Wonder what that’s like if the poor dog decides to sit? Oh, to be a fly on the wall when the archaeologists dig this stuff up a 1000 years from now…
Dog Bakeries do a brisk business during US Thanksgiving
We’re not making this up. According to this news article, turkey, lamb wellington and pumpkin doggie truffles were on the Thanksgiving menus at dog bakeries across the US. Dog Bakeries are popping up in major cities in the US and Canada. In Toronto there are the Big Dog Bakery, Le Paws Bakery, Three Dog Bakery, and Mobile Dog Bakery plus others.
Dog & Deer
Nice video. The link is here.
Woofstock
the largest outdoor festival for dogs in North America, was on the weekend of June 12-13 in Toronto. With everything from High Tea at the King Edward Hotel to the Stupid Dogtrick Contest, this is quite the event. Excellent website at www.woofstock.ca/.
If you like to dress up your dog this appears to be the event for you…
Other News
Dog Humiliated In Front of Entire Dog Park
Concord, New Hampshire- Banjo, a local border collie mix and loyal human companion, was utterly humiliated Tuesday, when his owner, 34-year-old Michael Ingram, loudly scolded the dog in front of all the other dogs right in the middle of Cold Brook Dog Park. The link is here theonion.com/articles/dog-humiliated-in-front-of-entire-park
Nation’s Dog Owners Demand to Know Who’s a Good Boy
Washington, DC- Bearing facial expressions ranging from goofy to adoring, dog owners from across the U.S. gathered in the nation’s capital demanding to know who’s a good boy. The link to the story is here: http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-dog-owners-demand-to-know-whos-a-good-boy,181/
Local Dog Will Never Live Up to Dog on Purina Bag
The Collie-Rottweiler mix reported that he will never live up to the standard set by the show-quality Golden Retriever on the Purina Dog Chow bag. The link to the sad story is here: http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-dog-will-never-live-up-to-dog-on-purina-bag,1755/
Family Dog Suspected in Chuck-Wagon Disaster
Although federal officials say it’s too early to draw definitive conclusions, a family dog is widely regarded as the probable cause of the miniature chuck-wagon disaster. And chuck-wagon driver Randall “Tex” West claims he was fired after refusing to do any more kitchen runs. The link is here: http://www.theonion.com/articles/family-dog-suspected-cause-of-miniature-chuckwagon,795/
Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers
“I noticed that my dog had never had a heart attack, and I’d never heard of a dog having a heart attack, so I realized that there is what scientists call ‘a cause-effect phenomenon’ at work here,” the researcher Dr. Dinesh Patel said. “Well, it turned out it’s their urine.”
Patel then ran from the podium. The link to the story is here.
Restaurant Fires Pizza-Delivery Dog
There’s no story with this. You can make up your own. The possibilities are endless…
Public Service Announcement:
Because your time is limited, we know that most people hardly have time to clean their kitchen floor, let alone their computer screen. But how often can anyone find time to clean the INSIDE of their computer screen? Cleaning the inside of a computer screen can be very difficult and time consuming, if not downright hazardous. To make it easier for you to read the rest of this website, we have included this utility to perform such a task. Simply click on the link below, wait, and it will perform this task for you. Just thinking of you. You’re welcome.
http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf
Dog Picnic at the Beach
The YouTube link is here.
Dogfish
Ok. People have been using dogs in commercials for years, but did anyone really see this one coming?
Humans aren’t the only ones who adopt dogs…
According to the story, the orangutan was in the rescue center and was not doing well at Tigers Sanctuary in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The old hound wandered in truly emaciated and the orangutan took to him the moment the dog arrived. He stayed with the hound night and day until he was well. They are now inseparable.
Incredible Dancing Merengue Dog
Never seen anything like it. The link is here.
Creative Grooming
There’s a whole world out there in what is now being called Creative Grooming, and Poodles seem to be the dog of choice. The work shown at Pinkcoyote.net is a great example, and The Learning Channel recently ran a show called Extreme Poodles. The hate email and comments directed toward some of these groomers has been astounding. What may look like humiliation to some people “ain’t necessarily so” to a Poodle, who in general seem to love being groomed and preening.
Pick Me, Pick Me!
One dog’s unique approach to getting adopted. The youtube link is here.
Strange Lost Pet Flyers
Humanity
No need for a story with this. The pictures say it all…
Life’s Basic Questions:
Should I have children?
Or do I get a dog?
